@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
It's official drugs can't kill me
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
