she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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