Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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