Soap is not a condiment
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
