My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
