My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
