Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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