i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
