How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
