everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
