Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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