I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
