Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
