So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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