so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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