Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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