I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
