apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
