I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
