He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
