This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
