I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
