tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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