the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
