A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
