you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
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