We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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