Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
