It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
