it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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