When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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