this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
