if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
