You can't special order awesome
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
