just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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