He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
you never un-have a 4some
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
