I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
