you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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