dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
