The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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