hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
