...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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