i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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