...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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