Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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