i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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