All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
