he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I need a beard to bite.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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