this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
