Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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